Recollections of Donatello Hamato
by FaithfulWhispers
Summary: With the mutants and aliens allowed out in the open, Donatello strives to make history–though, his path to fame isn't an easy one. Society isn't so kind, and he must overcome social challenges as well as internal battles with himself. A drabble series.
1. Flawed Existence

**Chapter Summary:** **Living day by day, Donatello falls into a routine where he constantly battles with his thoughts and emotions. Being a mutant isn't easy, and so, he struggles to cope.**

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 **A/N: First off, I want to thank ****Poetique823 and Rascalkat for their help and input into this first chapter. They're awesome and you should give their stuff a read!**

 **Okay, so I know I'm constantly writing stuff, but as this is a new series. I wanted to write about a different concept, and so, this was created. The chapters will tie in together, and as I make a new addition, I'll make it clear when it takes place in. They won't completely be in order, but this series will take place in his 20s, and the entries will all tie in. I promise!**

 **Well, I'll quit rambling. Hope y'all will like it. Happy Reading ^.^**

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Horns from cars sound off, echoing through the air. Shouting can be heard in the distance, from angry customers to people calling a taxi… Then, there's the foul stench of the smog that drifts by. Even as disgusting as it may be, I'm still attached to it.

I can't help but allow my eyes to wander the sights of the bustling city. People who will walk out in the open, walking out into the road like it's a given right. Scoffing, I tuck my knees in closer as I watch. Why am I watching? What's so good about watching people go about their days from a fire escape in a dank alley?

That's a good question, actually. Well, I could be doing better things with my time…like I dunno', building a new supercomputer. Maybe putting together a new transport device. Oh! And maybe even discover a cure for cancer– which I'm sure I can do with the proper tools.

So if I can do all that, then why I am I wasting my time with people watching? The answer is simple: I long for it. I yearn to be able to walk through the city. Heck, to be able to go to a university or a laboratory and perform research.

Then why can't I? If I'm so sure of myself, why not go ahead and do it?

Well, how _can_ I? How can I walk through the streets knowing what I am? Renet may have told me quite a few times that I will become famous. A well-known inventor at that! Suddenly, a maniacal laugh erupts from my throat, eventually dying out to a bitter snigger.

No, that's improbable. Even though we're free to walk out in the open now, that doesn't stop the judging eyes from piercing me. Being able to walk freely doesn't prevent the ongoing jabs and sneers towards my _existence._

Trust me, I've tried all of those things. I've even submitted a research paper on how cancer could be cured. They just looked at me with disbelieving eyes. Those…those pigs lifted their fingers and accused me of thievery! A _mutant_ couldn't possibly have written that!

Gritting my teeth, I feel my anger skim beneath the surface from the memory. Since there's nothing I can do about it, I'm reduced to watching from the sidelines. Mainly sitting all alone, in a place such as this, while conversing with myself.

 _Yep just another good ol' talk, Donatello…_

 _Right._

I'm just a twenty-eight year old mutant turtle who spends their free time wishing for something he doesn't have. I don't have a human appearance. I don't have the experience. Instead, I have a giant shell and large stubby feet. Oh, and the three fingers? I've lost track of how many times I got laughed at for that.

 _After all, your fingers are much too large and clumsy to handle lab equipment_. Ha! I've done it a billion times, maybe even more, but those hacks can barely handle an old computer!

But nope, I'm a mutant so they _obviously_ know better than me. In the end, I've just given up. No one wants a mutant turtle working for them, or even one hanging around. A frown spreads across my face as my thoughts shift, causing me to loosen up. Life is painful enough being a mutant, so why put myself through even more unnecessary hardships?

Then again, being a mutant doesn't stop my brothers. They're able to just shrug it off and continue onwards. Nothing stops them from always having a good time with Casey and April. Ugh, that's another thing… Casey and April. _Together_. I nearly grimace at the very notion of it.

But I should be honest with myself…It's probably my fault to begin with. They're together because of me. She's no longer with _me,_ because _I_ made it that way. I wasn't able to walk out in the open with her. We would get laughed at. We've had sodas, milkshakes, slushies–you name it, thrown at us.

Of course I couldn't fight back. Heck, I didn't even have to take it. I can easily defend myself without my weapons. But if I touch one hair on someone other than an alien or a mutant, I get put in jail for defending myself. That's an _unpleasant_ experience to say the least.

It's just…I thought I could endure it, but it wasn't just about _me_ anymore. It was about us. Our happiness, and frankly, she's better off with someone who's at least _normal_. Someone who can at least provide for her…

As the thought consumes me, I lift up my hands, turning my attention towards them. Many callouses cover the pads of my fingers from all the years of working with them. Even though they're rough to the touch, I know how to be tender with them.

She even knows that; however, it just wasn't working. _We_ weren't working.

So I had no other choice. If I wanted her to be happy, then I had to let her go. I _had_ to push her away. Tears start to well up, so I quickly swallow down the regret. It's for the best, after all. Heaving a heavy sigh, I dangle my feet as I go back to people watching.

To be honest, it's boring to stare at the crowds in the streets. There's a never ending stream of people, even as the sun drifts on by. Nothing new happens, and so, I begin to feel antsy.

Perhaps I should go back to my hole and keep working, but what good will it do? In the end, the inventions will collect dust in the corner of my "lab" anyways. Tinkering around and _pretending_ to be a scientist is just as much of a waste as just sitting here. Then again, it's better than sitting around doing nothing.

 _Yup, just keep talking to yourself and debating the same old thing every afternoon…._

A pang of guilt stabs into the pit of my stomach, causing me cringe. After all, I do this pretty much every day. Every. Single. Day. It's laughable that my genius intellect is being wasted on a creature such as myself. All I'm able to do is sulk in the shadows, being bitter about everything.

Eventually, I push the thoughts aside and just stare blankly off into space. I stop bothering to pay attention to the minor details, such as what device someone has or how someone swaggers. None of that really matters. That's not _my_ world after all.

Then, the boredom becomes too much. I begin to rock my weight forwards and back, trying to keep myself from sitting completely still. The itch to use my hands pulls at me, and so, I gather to my feet. My large, freaky feet.

 _I guess it's back to the hole I crawled from…_

Turning my head back towards the street, I feel the longing pulling at me. I could take the roads home, but no, it's better off that I go home from above–to use my ninja roots to fade into the darkness.

It's where I've _always_ belonged, anyways.


	2. If Only

**Summary: Living situations aren't easy, but as long as he's with the one he loves, it doesn't matter…does it?**

 **A/N: Hey everyone, sorry for the slow updates. Trying to juggle with school and my passion for drawing. However, I do have this lovely update for y'all. Shout-out to Rascalkat for looking over this for me. ^.^**

 **Well anyways, this takes place before "Flawed Existence". I hope y'all will like the update. ^.^**

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Winding down for the end of the day, I plop down onto the couch and release a sigh. My head aches slightly from the constant irritable noise from the neighbors upstairs. The clanging and clacking to the banging and thumping, it's just continuous.

Sure, I've thought about drowning them out with my own noise, or even going up there and asking them to stop. But no, I can't. I'm not allowed to make any noise. Hell, I can't even perform my experiments in the privacy of my own home. April said they're too loud and disruptive. No one's supposed to know a _mutant_ is living here.

 _Ugh, worrying about it is useless…I just need to calm down._

As my thoughts shift, April walks in with a small cup of steaming coffee. My lips tug into an appreciative smile as I reach for the cup. It feels so warm and soothing in my hands against the coldness of the air. After moving into the apartment, I've grown to hate winter. We can't use the heating, unless it's a dire need, or else we'll drive up the bills.

The bills are hard enough for us–I mean, April to pay.

 _After all, what income do you make, genius?_

Pushing away the thought, I lightly sip the rich liquid. The aroma seeps into my nose, and honestly, I'm addicted to the scent. But as I look back up at April, I gently grasp her hand. She looks at me warmly, then climbs onto the couch next to me, resting her head on my shoulder. Her sweet floral scent mingles with the coffee, but I've always loved her scent much, much more.

"Feeling better, Donnie?" she whispers in my ear.

I dip my head and reply, "A little bit. Thanks, hun."

April pecks my cheek and nestles up against me. For a while, we sit there in silence. It's times like this when I feel at ease and our crappy life in the apartment isn't so bad. I love being with April, _despite_ all of the compromises and issues we've had of late.

Then again, life would be so much better for us if I wasn't a mutant… Heck if I wasn't a mutant, we could get a better place to live. I wouldn't have to hide my existence from the landlord or our neighbors. We've tried so many places, but this was the only one we–April, could afford. Anytime someone knocks on our door, or whenever the landlord stops by, I have to _hide_ like I'm some _pet_ that she's not supposed to have.

 _"Mutants will decrease the value of the place!"_

Ha! We have a right to breathe and live, same as the next person, but no, most humans will deny or belittle _our existence_. So, I have to sneak in and out of my own home. It's degrading, but hey, what can I say? I just love her too much…

When she scoots a little closer to me, it stirs me out of my thoughts. I glance down at her and see there's a scowl on her face. My gut tightens, followed by a chill that shoots down my spine. She usually makes that face when she's thinking about something… _something_ that's troubling her.

I quickly down the contents of my mug and set it aside on the coffee table. Lifting up my hand, I brush her cheek. In response, she lifts her head and her eyes meet mine.

"Is something wrong?" I ask gently.

"Not really…" she mumbles, diverting her eyes. A small breath escapes her lips, then smiles weakly. "I mean, I was thinking…we hardly ever go out anymore, and I was hoping the two of us could go on a date or something."

Immediately, my whole body becomes rigid with thoughts going into overdrive. Last time we went out…it wasn't too pleasant. And to be honest, I have plans to go down to my lab tomorrow. Conflicting feelings rise up, and the silence stretches on. Refusing to look away, I struggle to come up with an answer, but then she grips my hand.

"Well, uhh…I don't know…" I mumble out pathetically.

April's scowl returns, only there's a flash of anger in her blue eyes, as if there's a storm brewing within them. The constriction in my stomach moves up towards my chest, making it harder to breathe. I really don't want to get into another argument, we've had _enough_ of those lately. Honestly, I regret even replying at all.

Sighing, I try to stroke her hair, only for her to lean away. She crosses her arms, and her brows only knit tighter together.

"Look, you spend all your time here or in your lab. You never want to spend time with me anymore."

"That's not true. I love being with you, it's just-"

"It's just you don't want to be seen with me, isn't it?" She asks in a firm tone, resentment mingled in the words.

"No! April, it's just…it's just…it's not easy, you know?" My hands press against my plastron as I struggle to keep myself together.

"Not easy? It's not _easy_ being with _me_?" her voice steadily rises.

I cringe, and reach my hands towards her. "April, please calm down. The neighbors will hear. A mutant isn't supposed to be living here, remember?"

"No, I won't! You throw that excuse in every time we get into an argument." With each word, her arm movements become more animated, her face reddening. "In fact, you use that excuse anytime I wanna go out with you, but you'd rather stay in your lab."

"April-"

"Donnie, listen," she says, placing her hands on her hips, "When are you just going to suck it up and stop making things difficult?"

Her last line causes my self-control to snap. Hoisting to my feet, I feel anger and resentment shoot upwards. " _ME_? I'm just trying to live, April. I'm trying to make things easier for _you_. After all, _I'm_ the one that's a _mutant_!" I find myself crying out, desperation clinging to my voice.

"Well, sometimes…I wish you weren't…" April mutters out in a low voice. Her eyes suddenly grows wide, and she cups her mouth with her hands. "Donnie, I didn't mean-"

Each word she utters drives the nail deeper into my heart. The twisting, aching pain swells up, leaving a hard lump in my throat that I nearly choke on. I can't bear to listen anymore, so I hold my hand up, silencing her. She said how she really feels.

The words that I knew she had been thinking.

After all, I've seen it in her eyes for awhile. The constant scowling, and the late nights where she'll stay up. How she'll put a fake smile on her face when we cuddle up for movie night. All of it.

It's been there the _whole_ time.

As she takes a step towards me, I move back. I can't bear to see the look on her face–the face twisting with remorse, but yet, her eyes looks so relieved. Then she reaches out towards me, but I turn my shell to her. _There's no way I can face her now…_

The pain only worsens once I reach the window. My heart is thumping madly against my pastron, and I can hear the strong pumping of my blood. Her voice calls out to me, but it's too late. Climbing out through the window, I swing off the fire escape and land in the icy snow; it crunches beneath me as I adjust my footing. To be honest, I don't care if someone sees me, I just want out.

Away from all of it. The pain and the stiffness.

But I can still hear her sobbing voice from the window, pleading for me. Every part of me is screaming at me to go back, but then her words ring in my head; a constant echo, and it takes all of my strength to not buckle down into the snow.

Instead, my emotions fuel me as I dart into the shadows, embracing the cold of the environment. I rather feel numb right now, more than anything else. I continue onwards, rushing and racing against the chilly winds. They whip against my skin, but I welcome it. Anything to get rid of this _pain_ –to desensitize me from everything.

Though, I can still feel the ache in my chest and the constant stab, driving the nail deeper in.

"Maybe we shouldn't be together after all," I whisper as a single tear stings my cheek.


End file.
